Memory IV

invisible 

            “My next stage of life began in a private college where I was literally invisible for two years; I was there only among the boys. I a shy boy and I had no idea about girls and how to treat them so I never spoke to any of my girl-class mates. I had nothing to speak. I even failed to recognize them publically. Now, I think that happened because I never had any contact with any girl for three years and that could be a reason for that behavior about which I have any idea. But the interesting story of my active romantic life, after a long gap of three years, began with some girl whom I didn’t know well, even her name. They arranged our degree class hours conveniently for their convenience and someday we had classes after noon and sometimes fore noon. For the first some months it was actually difficult for me to fall into the system of a private college. As times passed by, one day I saw a girl who was heading forth the college. She was beautiful and lovely. She was beautiful, but I never wanted to admit it because I knew she would never be mine. So I comforted myself by telling the same thing all the day. I happened to see her all the day after noon and eventually she became someone dear to me and my romance. Yet, I wasn’t ready to love or romance her memories because she was really beautiful. Later, months later, I fall in love with her, the first girl of my romance after a long gap of monastic life. I tried but I couldn’t control me and I was totally in love with her. And I had to suffer head aches and mental strains because of her strong presence in my memory and everything I do. I was really in trouble. One day, her class was next to mine and I was fortunate enough to see her in a twinkling of an eye so I couldn’t sit in my class because I had to tell her what I feel or else I would become mad. So, with the help of my friend, Rinso (he pushed me into her class room), I approached her. I still don’t know how I could do it. 
          I was such a poor boy and shy and I now, I can’t believe that I approached a girl for the first time in my life and asked something. She was in the front row in the midst of her class mates; she looked like a sunflower in the midst of vegetables. Everything happened within seconds, I approached her and asked her if she could come out for a minute that I could tell something what I feel in my mind for several months. But, all she had was a nod of no with her head and an unasked question of 'who the hell you are?' I knew the answer, but I tried and answer was 'no' and what else I had to expect from a girl who was asked to come out from her class room by a freak! That was great! I love it! I’m freak, mad, nerd and weird; they are all part of my beautiful absurdity which I formed much later during the time of my postgraduate programme. But, I loved her more and more. I walked on the paves all afternoon expecting to meet her, but unfortunately I had no chance to meet her after my romantic venture. Another interesting event happened in my life was also in relation with that girl. February 14, Valentine’s Day, for the first time in my life I purchased a valentine's card and I waited for her on that day. She didn’t come and I saw her never ever, the girl whose name was unknown to me. I kept my first valentine's card inside the front cover of my diary. And still it is there inside that cover, I think it will be given to someone who deserves it.”

            “Two years of my degree life was spent specially for nothing. The third year of my degree life was everything if something had occurred to me, something that changed me and my life upside down. Najeera, the Muslim girl, was in my class for the last two years and I failed to see or notice her. She was beautiful altogether. She was the cause for whole my romantic life. Some day after two years, I 'fell' in love with Najeera and that was a real thing which I felt. I started to love literature, songs and possibly everything. I was mad and madly in love with her, I loved her with all my soul and love. And still I can say, no one will ever love her like I loved her because I loved her with whole the love and I AM the only boy who said 'I love you' for the first time in her life. I loved her feasting my soul and the entire width and depth of my life. I was living and experiencing my life because of Najeera. She looked beautiful and elegant in her parda and veil. She was my breath and life. She was light and serious, classic and beautiful. And the girl to whom I said ‘I love you’. The most beautiful delectable maiden and exquisite beauty I have ever seen in my life, she was my life. She knew that I love her and I was thrilled because for the first time ever in my life a girl knew that I loved her. And for the last remaining days in the college was memorable and I have seen new colors and life, totally new, a new life, a new beginning and a new newness.  That was that and she got married soon after the completion of her graduation. I’m still here, but she takes a prime place in my memory and heart because she made me to love.”

     Life is unimaginable and undefinable because we know nothing about it. We see things passing us by. I always wanted to love a girl of my taste but I never found and if I do so I don’t think I will be able do so. It’s complicated. Job is a lucky man because he could tell his girl that he loves her. I’m proud of him.